.
Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?
Mary: Well, that’s pretty difficult to say.
Lloyd: Hit me with it! I’ve come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I’d say more like one out of a million.
[pause]
Lloyd: So you’re telling me there’s a chance.
.
.
Harry: Where did you get those?
Lloyd: I bought them when we filled up.
Harry: We are supposed to talk about all expenditures Lloyd; we are on a very tight budget.
Lloyd: This didn’t come out of our travel fund.
Harry: Oh.
Lloyd: Yeah, I was able to raise 25 extra bucks before we left.
Harry: Where did you get 25 extra becks?
Lloyd: I sold some stuff, to Billy in 4-C.
Harry: The blind kid?
Lloyd: Yeah, ha ha! Yeah.
Harry: What did you sell him Lloyd?
Lloyd: Stuff.
Harry: What kinda stuff?
Lloyd: I don’t know, a few baseball cards, a sack of marbles,
[
cough]
Lloyd: Petey.
Harry: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd! Petey didn’t even have a head!
Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it…
Billy: Pretty bird, yeah, can you say pretty bird? Pretty bird, yeah pretty bird… Polly want a cracker?
.
.
Lloyd: I’ll bet you twenty dollars I can get you gambling before the day is out!
Harry: No!
Lloyd: I’ll give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Ten to one?
Harry: You’re on!
Lloyd: I’m gonna get ya!
Harry: Nu uh!
Lloyd: I don’t know how but I’m gonna get ya.
.
.
Harry: What’s her last name? I’ll look it up.
Lloyd: You know, I don’t really recall. Starts with an S! Let’s see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
Harry: Maybe it’s on the briefcase.
Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It’s right here.
[
He reads the manufacturer’s name, which is Samsonite]
Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.
.
.
[
after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped]
Harry: Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!
.
.
Lloyd: That’s a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G’day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let’s not.